epicrapbattlesofhistoryfandomcom-20200222-history
User blog:Beerman8299/The Grinch vs. J. Jonah Jameson
Greetings heroes and Merry Christmas! Today I have a special Christmas themed rap battle for you guys. (If you saw my last post about the December update, you can skip the following information) As a disclaimer, I have a beat for this for this battle, however, because of the way the beat is set up, it kind of made it hard to write lyrics to it. Now I know what you're thinking, "Why didn't you just pick a different beat?" Well I'll tell you why. First of all, when searching for a beat, I look for one that sounds right and fits the theme of the battle. Because of the Christmas theme, I was looking for one that sounded sort of joyful. However, because of the nature of the rappers, I wanted one that also had a hard bass. That's when I found THE ONE. It fit the matchup so well. I tried really hard to write lyrics to it, and I was able to make a few. But I'm just not skilled enough to do a whole battle. So I tried to find a new beat, but nothing fit the style I wanted. So I decided to keep the beat I have. This Christmas battle is between The Grinch, the main character of Dr. Seuss''' How the Grinch Stole Christmas'', and J. Jonah Jameson, the head publisher of the fictional Marvel newspaper, The Daily Bugle. 'Battle' THE GRINCH VS. J. JONAH JAMESON BEGIN! 'The Grinch' Deck the Halls with bars of disses. It's Mr. Grinch here to wreck more than Christmas. I have Zero Tolerance for your anti-hero Operation. You became a Kingpin of villainy creating Human Fly and Scorpion. If there's any leftovers, I'll send you some Christmas meat. You may be loved by the fanboys, but I'll turn you into an infamous comic relief. There ain't time for Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree singing "Fah who foraze" I think of your angry attitude and it makes me double hate your fuming rage. You get no packages or boxes, no bags or stocking surprises. From the comics to the movies your toothbrush mustache grew 3 sizes. Criticizing other's work doesn't make you a journalist. You should move to Whoville since you're always trying to find out who Spider-Man is. 'J. Jonah Jameson' Rap against you? For what, standing there? Not even a razor could handle that Oscar the Grouch hair. You can call me a rap hazard, I'm the triple J threat. You not only overworked Max, but you also tied a stick to his head. I'm a native to this game, the editor-in-chief. There's almost no reason to dis you when your theme song does it for me. Beating you is like taking candy canes from a Cindy Who Lou baby. You better not play pool with MY ornaments or I'll stuff a Christmas tree up YOUR chimney. I could crush you and your O Little Town of Whoville living on that tiny dust speckle. Jameson hears a Who, when, and what happened to your Halloween special? Who steals Who-hash and roast beast? I bet you also took home their bacon. I'd like to call you the Green Goblin, but that name's already taken. 'The Grinch' You know you used to be tough, you were Bad to the Bone. Now you've become a MCU National Lampoon Alex Jones. You'll never be Clint Eastwood always smoking that cigar. And your psychic assistant Hoffman is just a rip-off of Radar. I've had enough of your libel, I'm sending the 12 Pains of Christmas your way. You're gonna resent it even more than your father's marriage to Aunt May. It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year for reputations to be destroyed. No wonder why you work at The Daily Bugle cause your voice is just noise noise noise. So here's a drink, now I'll send you off to bed. And before you go to sleep don't forget your blood pressure meds. You're prone to nut crackin', heart attackin', and comin' down with the t'ai chi flu. Imma head out, cause I ain't spendin' Christmas with a Krank like you. 'J. Jonah Jameson' *wheeze* HAHAHAHAHA! (short pause) You're serious? Well if you're so happy now why don't you Christmas cheer this? *flips off The Grinch* You're only known for your movies by Jim Carrey and Chuck Jones. I got a bigger cameo in Far From Home than you got in Home Alone! You're a thief, a criminal, a menace to your entire city! You might just be the worst God damn hero that I have ever seen! You can't be as mean as me, I'm both the Cold AND the Heat Misers. Now shut up and get out of my building, YOU'RE FIRED! Nevermind, I'm not done with you yet, get back here. I'm gonna finish you off properly before you get run over by a reindeer. God'll let me rest when I become a merry gentleman. Thanks to this Green Meanie turned soft-heart the power of the press triumphs again! WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! Who won? The Grinch J. Jonah Jameson Epstein didn't kill himself. Category:Blog posts